mcmansionhell:

gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss

Howdy, folks! Today we will be heading down south to the Atlanta suburbs to view what may be the most yassified house in existence.(The quality of the photos is proportional to the quality of the estate, my apologies.) Also, special thanks to my friend Kristjan who contributed to finding the house and also some of the captions (fondue machine all was him.)

Built smack dab in the Pimp My Ride era (2007) it’s got 8 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms, totaling a completely reasonable and not at all absurd 17,500 square feet. $7,750,000, it’s up there as one of the more expensive houses on the blog in its six (6!!) years. (Happy Birthday McMansion Hell!)

Without further ado:

Lawyer Foyer

I know what you’re thinking but we keep it PG with the chair jokes here.

Office

Great Depression humor is back, baby. It’s recession time.

Dining Room

If this house got any more into metallic surfaces there’d be lead in the water.

Great Room

Whole house smells like $14 body spray called something like “tempting pink.”

kitchen

“Braighlynne if you get one drop of apple juice on this rug mommy is going to need a valium.”

Bedroom

Are we finally done with mirrored furniture???? Are we?????? (Also the SIA-line is a Kristjan one.)

bonus:

room

(this is a top-10 joke for me. i am patting myself on the back.)

And finally, we exit our tour:

Usually the rear exterior is less unhinged than the front, but not so this time!

Anyway that does it for this edition of McMansion Hell. Hope you enjoyed, and from sunny Ljubljana, see you next time!

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mcmansionhell:

mojo dojo casa house

Howdy folks! Sorry for the delay, I was, uhhhh covering the Tour de France. Anyway, I’m back in Chicago which means this blog has returned to the Chicago suburbs. I’m sure you’ve all seen Barbie at this point so this 2019 not-so-dream house will come as a pleasant (?) surprise.

Yeah. So this $2.4 million, 7 bed, 8.5+ bath house is over 15,000 square feet and let me be frank: that square footage is not allocated in any kind of efficient or rational manner. It’s just kind of there, like a suburban Ramada Inn banquet hall. You think that by reading this you are prepared for this, but no, you are not.

Scale (especially the human one) is unfathomable to the people who built this house. They must have some kind of rare spatial reasoning problem where they perceive themselves to be the size of at least a sedan, maybe a small aircraft. Also as you can see they only know of the existence of a single color.

Ok, but if you were eating a single bowl of cereal alone where would you sit? Personally I am a head of the table type person but I understand that others might be more discreet.

It is undeniable that they put the “great” in great room. You could race bicycles in here. Do roller derby. If you gave this space to three anarchists you would have a functioning bookshop and small press in about a week.

The island bit is so funny. It’s literally so far away it’s hard to get them in the same image. It is the most functionally useless space ever. You need to walk half a mile to get from the island to the sink or stove.

Of course, every McMansion has a room just for television (if not more than one room) and yet this house fails even to execute that in a way that matters. Honestly impressive.

The rug placement here is physical comedy. Like, they know they messed up.

Bling had a weird second incarnation in the 2010s HomeGoods scene. Few talk about this.

Honestly I think they should have scrapped all of this and built a bowling alley or maybe a hockey rink. Basketball court. A space this grand is wasted on sports of the table variety.

You would also think that seeing the rear exterior of this house would help to rationalize how it’s planned but:

Not really.

Anyways, thanks for coming along for another edition of McMansion Hell. I’ll be back to regular posting schedule now that the summer is over so keep your eyes peeled for more of the greatest houses to ever exist. Be sure to check the Patreon for today’s bonus posts.

Also P.S. - I’m the architecture critic for The Nation now, so check that out, too!

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

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hometoursandotherstuff:

Here’s something I stumbled on, and I’d never heard of creating a “Content House” or “Maximal Victorian Meets Retro.” Here are before and after’s of a client’s home designed by Danielle Nagel.

Keep reading

cryptotheism:

rthko:

ball-lightning:

rthko:

If Taylor Swift used her power for good she would be such a great stochastic terrorist. She would post on Instagram “Hey guys, Tay here. Just wanted to say that whoever delivers me the head of Ron DeSantis on a platter will get free Eras Tour tickets. #ShadeNeverMadeAnybodyLessGay.” It would be at her doorstep in two hours.

I… what.

😦

Girl help they are doing Qanon style esoteric analysis of Taylor Swift Selfies

pintsofguinnesmakeyoustrong:

cuntstable:

cuntstable:

ive never seen anyone capture the feeling of meeting older dykes as well as this

sunder-the-gold:

animentality:

I love it when my culture is mocked properly.

teathattast:

calware:

himbofisher:

nendocris:

nendocris:

There’s this misconception about 72 maidens awaiting a believer in heaven. This is in fact incorrect and just a way to demonize Muslims, the correct translation is that 72 femboys await you in heaven. Hope this helps!